I Don't Think I Received Passing Credit for Dating 101

At the suggestion of my friends, I bought "The Rules" and have been reading diligently.  Rather, I've been skimming it, with indignation.  The book gives advice like, "don't be sarcastic" and "wear lipstick while jogging."  How about we compromise and I wear lipstick while being sarcastic?  I'd have to re-evaluate my budget just for lipstick costs.   

 I've never been good with straight boys.  It's like you throw the "straight" into the mix and I feel betrayed by my hormones.  I was sweet sixteen and never been kissed and shamefully begged one of my high school crushes to make out with me before the calendar hit my birthday.  We were in the empty hall, both of us killing time with a hall pass.  He declined and later made out with Karen.  

My first kiss was at a random party with a stranger named...  Shit.  I can't remember his name right now.  My friend Karen and I had this running joke (because she was having problems in the never-been-kissed department) that there was this circle and we were just outside of it and didn't really know what was going on in there.  How did it work?  Why were we on the outside?  Karen and I had too many drinks and were sleeping in the same bed when he came in.  She gifted him to me and left the room.   After leaving his slobbering mess, I saw everyone in the front room. I looked at Karen, grabbed a pillow and drew a circle with my finger.  We immediately busted up laughing.